Results are fast and long-lasting
Studies of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) show that 90% of couples move from all out distress mode into "significant improvement" and 70-75% into"full recovery." The work is not easy, but it is so fulfilling to see couples who had lost hope that they could ever have a truly loving, supportive and meaningful relationship succeed in doing just that. This approach is backed by 30 years of research and doesn't take a long time, either. Couples achieve these results in just a few months of regular weekly EFT. What makes this marriage counseling approach so powerful is that the counselor has a "map" to follow. This map helpsthe counselor help you navigate tricky moments that had tripped you up in the past.
Other forms of marriage counseling focus on problem-solving. These can be helpful in some ways. However, we have all experienced those situations where intense emotions are involved and no rational skill will stop this sudden burst of energy. EFT focuses instead on what is underlying the problems that need to be solved. These intense emotions are hard to pinpoint because they often stem from experiences we had that are pre-verbal. We don't even have words for them!
Another factor is that our culture discourages the recognition and expression of some of these intense emotions. They get handled the best way we know how. Consequently, the intense emotion bursts out at unexpected times and with ferocity. Once the root sources have been addressed, what were once problems can be solved with much more ease! EFT helps clear away all sorts of distancing and misunderstanding; the gunk that was behind all the pointing fingers and name-calling, criticism and complaints. With this cleared away, the couple naturally support and connect with each other.
Many therapies (other than EFT) focus on changing negative thoughts or behaviors. Sure, these have impact, but imagine trying to change your negative thoughts or behaviors when your buttons are pushed. You know the buttons, the ones that make you react in ways you never want to. The truth is, emotions drive thoughts and behaviors. Negative emotions can be triggered quickly and be so powerful they overwhelm the best made intentions to control a thought or behavior. EFT works on these trigger negative emotions. Once these are addressed, the negative beliefs and actions subside.
We use some emotions to cover up our more basic emotions. We have learned over time that certain emotions are not "acceptable', and so we have learned ways to ignore them. The problem is, the emotions we are covering up are what is behind all the chaos. In EFT, the therapist helps individuals unravel their reactions to find the core emotion underneath. This can be scary, but soo worth it. A few months later, chances are you will have a much improved, life-changing wonderful bond with your honey! At the very least, if your relationship is too far-gone to repair, you will develop much better understanding about yourself and what happened which is invaluable in itself.
How long will it take?
Simpler issues can take only a few months of weekly visits. With other issues involved, such as PTSD, depression, betrayal - it will take longer. However, as the relationship heals these other types of problems do some healing of their own! And the best part is you have someone very special who has your back.